undefineable
group exhibition curated by Caren Helene Rudman
Evanston Art Center, IL
I began "DNA" and "holding court" with the application of pills to the canvas. I noted that some of the pharmaceuticals absorbed and some did not – some transformed and some did not ... hindering the painting process and aiding the painting process - much like in the body. I initially painted very darkly then added glimmers of color and light, much the same as we see things when we are confronted with the harsh realities of illness. As we continue the journey, we celebrate the victories no matter how small or large.
It is somehow appropriate that I listened to the political health controversy while working on this art. Though extremely grateful for my Mom's care, I fear for the availability of good health care for myself, those around me and others - young and old. But, against all odds there will always be those determined to survive.
Enlightenment in Darkness.
BROKEN SILENCE
In the vastness of the universe, there is silence. This silence is broken by momentous events and maybe, more importantly, by the miniscule event or droplet that ripples in the sea of darkness.
The smallest broken confidence, whisper, or promise can result in catastrophic events. And yet, the unspoken, ignored and denied can do the same.
It's the medical decisions I made at the time of my Mom's death that continue to haunt me. The information and non-information - received and not received - that leaves unanswered questions, and what ifs. But, it's my desire to communicate universally, that gives me some comfort that Mom knows I did my best.
Enlightenment in darkness.
DNA
As I witnessed my Mom’s deteriorating health, setbacks and victories, I witnessed her increasing mindfulness of small things like washing her hands; her resolve and her acceptance; and her determination to do what needed to be done whatever the outcome might be. I was grateful for the excellent, dedicated medical care and assistance we received and, yet, frustrated by the same. The needs of the sick and the elderly seem overwhelmingly challenging. There are never enough resources and getting up to speed on the medical information is daunting if not impossible. Traveling that journey with my Mom, I feared the possibility of care not being financially available for her. We were fortunate to have access to aide that I feel may not be available for myself and others – or to her had she lived longer.
This journey forced me to face my own mortality. My own DNA and predisposed physical challenges that I very likely will encounter. Mom will be a role model once again.
Enlightenment in darkness.
HOLDING COURT
In some hospital intensive care rooms, there are beds that allow the patient to be held in an almost standing position. As my mom held court on her intensive care regal throne with her grandchildren gathered around, she said "the funny thing about dying is that you never know when it will happen". She did not die that day, but a couple years later. She amazed and astounded health practitioners and conventional timetables.
Enlightenment in Darkness.
#1 - https://vimeo.com/228312136
#2 - https://vimeo.com/228312401
#3 - https://vimeo.com/228312380
#4 - https://vimeo.com/228310187
#5 - https://vimeo.com/228308662